Mass
A measure of the total amount of material in a body, defined either by the inertial properties of the body or by its gravitational influence on other bodies.
Matter
A word used to describe anything that contains mass.
"I'm so fat."
That word was to become my worst enemy in the future, but how was I to know? "No you're not, you're beautiful."
"I'm fat. Look at me."
I did exactly that. I looked at her legs, her hips, her waist, all curved and shaped beautifully. I noted how her waist had yet again shrunk, and how loosely the bracelet she wore hung off her wrist. I also looked at how her collarbone had become even more prominent than before.
And then I looked at her face. Her hair framed it like an art, and her eyes were oceans of grey-blue that I struggled not to get lost at sea in. "You're beautiful." I breathed softly, wrapping my arms around her.
As I held her, I ignored the fact that I could feel more of her spine than before. I ignored the fact that I could feel her shoulder blades jutting out more. I ignored the fact that I could feel her hipbones against my stomach.
Maybe I should have paid more attention. Maybe I should have said something then and there, commented on her negative body image, done something to help, and perhaps I would have done.
This was not where it started. It started so long ago, I can barely remember it. I was aware of this demon long before. And she had made the decision many years ago, even before I'd ever met her, that her body and weight defined her.
No, decision is the wrong word. Because she hadn't decided. I used to think so, but now I know better. She didn't decide this, it decided for her. It began consuming her before she even realised it existed.
And I was on the outside looking in.
I think that's what hurts the most. Not that this is happening to her, but that I can't snap my fingers and make it better. I know I can't do that, and I won't try to. I won't force her into anything, I won't trap my Skylark in a cage and tell her how to sing. She has to learn for herself, and she has to make that decision.
And that's the truth of it.
My Skyler, my beautiful Skylark, has been ensnared by this trap, this demon. Not by choice, by no fault of her own, but by fate perhaps. Either way, this was not her choice.
But the end, the end is her choice. And though I can't control what that end is, or stop this happening to her, what I can do is make her realise that how this ends is her choice. That is where she has control, and that is where she makes her decision.
It just hurts me to see her convincing herself, more and more now, that what she is doing is what she controls, and what she is doing is her decision.
It's not anymore. Perhaps it used to be, but now...
Now it's just mass over matter.
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